What is Bullying?
Bullying is a persistent human pattern of aggressive behavior that severely affects its victims. Bullying is not conflict where two people want the same thing. The dictionary definition of bullying or to bully someone is – to intimidate using physical strength or psychological influence to make someone do something they do not want to do or would not normally do. It usually involves repeated harassment and attacks on a selected known victim. It may involve verbal attacks, physical assaults, and/or destroying the victim’s social relationships with others.
We usually think of bullying as something that children and young adults do. However, if we look at the synonyms for bullying which include persecute, harass, torment, strong-arm, brow-beat, and dominate, we can see that bullying is a manifestation of aggression in young people that mirrors the larger scale aggression that exists in families, between racial and ethic and religious groups, in the political arena, and between nations.
Here are some other definitions of bullying:
A Relationship Framework for Understanding Bullying
National Bullying Prevention Center
Who Bullies?
Typically, bullying is discussed in terms of what happens in the schoolyard. The typical bully, immortalized in millions of stories and memoirs and TV shows is seen as the mean, cruel, and often physically intimidating and hated youngster who chooses one victim to lash out at and to dominate. But this is an overly simplified picture.
According to a review of the psychological research by Rodkin and Espelage (APA 2015), the use of aggression by one individual over another is part of gaining and keeping social status within one’s peer group and has both harmful and beneficial effects. While being a bully may eventually lead to an individual being attacked, despised, and rejected i.e. “socially marginalized”, more often than not the bully gains power, social prestige, popularity, and increases the cohesiveness of her or his personal peer group.
Student leaders in sports and other activities, often exhibit bullying traits that are considered acceptable i.e. “social-integrated” and are rewarded for their behavior. These individuals have high self-esteem and are socially-skilled. Again, think about how this mirrors adult behavior in sports, in the workplace, in politics, and between countries.
Types of Bullies
There are two types of bullies. The socially marginalized bully usually is someone who is overly aggressive and easily frustrated. Not able to gain attention in socially constructive ways, they often pick on a victim because of a perceived or actual slight. The victim lacking social skills for dealing with aggressive behavior retreats, and the bully-victim cycle is established. This kind of bully may form a peer group with other aggressive individuals or by default be grouped with other aggressive individuals and their victims who lack social coping skills.
For the socially-integrated or effective leaders, bullying is the way they become dominant and popular in their peer group. They use more subtle, but equally damaging, techniques to establish control over their group.
How Can Bullying Be Stopped?
Because there are two types of bullies, prevention activities and programs need to take a variety of approaches.
The socially-marginalized bully
Violence and aggression, and drug and alcohol abuse in the home are seen as the root cause for socially-marginalized peer aggression. Little research has been done specifically on bullying as a behavior as separated from aggressive behavior. But much has been done on dealing with aggression in children.
For these individuals, a focus on teaching how to control frustration and violent reactions is key. Similarly, their victims need to be taught how to deal with aggressive behaviors aimed at them. Bully-victim behaviors are just one manifestation of much larger anti-social problems that must also be addressed.
The socially-integrated bully
Anyone who has spent time with large groups of young children can attest to the fact that peer pecking orders develop at very young ages. One study by Rodkin and Roisman found that children who spent more years in early childcare were more likely to exhibit socially-integrated bullying patterns, perhaps reflecting more time to learn the social skills needed to dominate their less socially skilled peers.
And while there is no study for this, we cannot discount the fact that children are surrounded by role models such as parents, teachers, coaches, police, politicians, and so on who use domineering, bullying type behaviors, such as name-calling, physical restraint, and withdrawal of approval, to get their charges to do what they want.
When practiced as part of societal roles, this type of bullying is called systemic bullying and can be found in many workplaces.
Learn more about SYSTEMIC BULLYING
Bullying Behaviors
Dominant individuals in a peer group know how to control and weld social aggression to reach their goals. They may practice name-calling or make fun of someone who makes a mistake, drops the ball, wears the wrong clothes, etc. If there is a size difference between the domineering person and the victim, no actual touching may be needed to make the victim act against her or his wishes.
Socially dominant peers may use psychological methods such as getting other peers to avoid the person or to talk behind their backs. They may take their belongings and hide them, or they may not invite that person to participate in events other peers are attending such as a party or a game.
Here are cooperative and caring activities that help build inclusive communities of peers.
5 No Name-Calling Lesson Plans
Cooperative Learning Strategies
Cyber-bullying is a favorite form of attacking a victim. While online-bullies are not physically aggressive, they may use peer pressure, such as surrounding a victim with a large group of harassing peers in order to force the victim to do something he or she doesn’t want to do or are afraid to do.
Learn more about CYBERBULLYING
This virtual type of psychological bullying is very ingrained in our society. People are much more likely to react when a victim is beaten and battered than when a victim is isolated or name-called or stereotyped in some way that attacks their self-esteem online. Even our politicians are free to act this way with minimal consequences.
The best approach to this kind of bullying is to foster cooperation rather than competition, and to teach our youth that they will be happier and accomplish more if they value everyone’s potential to contribute to a team goal and be kind and caring to those who are different from themselves.
Who is the Victim?
Victims of bullying are carefully selected. Usually, the victim is someone with few friends, who is poorly adjusted socially, and who the other members of the peer group dislike and are willing to harass. Susceptible individuals may be overly anxious, submissive or passive. Those who are different in some way may draw the attention of a bully. This may include:
- Physical and mental disorders
- Physical appearance
- Race, religion, and ethnicity
- Gender issues
- Special or unique talent
- Overprotective parents
The victim may accept some of the harassment and aggression if it allows her or him to stay on the edges of the peer group, or they may retreat into themselves as isolates. Victims may suffer self-hatred, violent feelings of revenge, or lose self-confidence in all areas of their lives. Bullied individuals may become depressed or hostile, which often cause them to develop anti-social ways of interacting with others which makes their lives worse.
Bullied victims need a strong peer-support group. They need allies who will support them and stand up for them.
Here are some activities that help victims stand up to aggressors and teach people to be allies.
Be Strong, Be Mean, or Give In?
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
